Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
