I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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