take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They took my balls.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
