@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
