C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
