Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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