If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
