just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The Olympian is in my bed
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