I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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