Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
