her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
