that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
