my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
