But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
