Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
