I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
