I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
