you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
