You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
