Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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