the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
