That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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