You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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