and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
don't judge my taste in strippers
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
