Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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