even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
