I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
