Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
