Whod you bang
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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