just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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