I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize