he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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