So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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