life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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