Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
