i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Randomize
