so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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