I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
