That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
