You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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