a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
