I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
