he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
