Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
