so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
