Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
