Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and she was petting her beer can
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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