I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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