Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
