i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
