No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
