i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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