How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
