she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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