I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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