Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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