you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
