OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
