he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
