Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
