i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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