in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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