ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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