No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
