I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
