Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
