I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right