I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon