Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.