She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
