I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
do herpes really smell.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
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I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Our lives are a motherfucking joke