Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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