Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
