Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
