Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
