Where is the hickey?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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