I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
