Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
