I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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