In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
