Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
