If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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