Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
