Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
