He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
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ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
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There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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