I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
