He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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